I have a confession to make. I’ve sinned. It’s been bad. I haven’t desired God. I haven’t sought him earnestly. And that comes from a guy that calls himself a Christian hedonist. What is the great ground of my falling short? Well, I was knocked on my butt by something I probably don’t even agree with.
So, ya know, there’s talk about this revival in Florida (again). I remember the Pensacola revival. Now there’s one in Lakeland. Or, at least I guess there is. There something of a religious fervor there to be sure. But, the point of this post isn’t to debate the authenticity of an apparent work of God. The point is to ask, “God, why not me?” Why am I not on my face begging you to move in me and around me?
What I mean is, why are these believers, who I would disagree with theologically, more passionate about seeing a move of God than I am. Since I have embraced what the Bible teaches about his sovereignty, do I not know more that they do? Since I have embraced his great desire for me in being satisfied in him, do I not know that he is to be my one passion? I’m not even asking why doesn’t something like that happen to me. I’m more concerned with why I’m not more zealous in seeking him. There was a time when I was going hard after his presence. I wanted to see revival, not just in this country, but in my soul. I added to this desire, a knowledge of his greatness in theology. Along the way, something happened. Something in me broke. I’m aiming to fix it.
I have seen glimpses of the backside of the glory of Jesus Christ. I have made resolutions to treasure him. And now, I’m asking for fervor that should have come from my theology, but instead I chose to leave communion with Jesus outside the Bible in my study of theology. God forgive me. I repent from my mind that has learned to run apart from the oil of grace. Would you change my heart back again, to one that wonders at your majesty? Make me to be like Jonathan Edwards who knew more theology than I probably ever will and was blood earnest in his pursuit of you. The two do not have to be at odds. They were made to be the same. Forgive me for being more interested in being Reformed than in being yours. Do something great in the great name of Jesus, I pray. Amen.
(Psalm 119:2 ESV)




